As Not Yet Seen On TV

If at first you don’t succeed try and try again, right? My first invention didn’t see the light of day because the concept of saving lives was a little bit too complex for the automobile industry.

Fuh get ‘em,  I don’t need them. I have a new invention that I am marketing and it’s called The Multi-Plate.

The Multi-Plate is created when I try reheating anything on a foam plate for over 60 seconds.  My microwave is capable of soldering pasta to, and burning holes through, foam plates, but if you get the timing just right, it rewards you with The Multi-Plate.

Last night I reheated some rice for dinner, but I left it in a few seconds too long and this is what I pulled out.  I said if I can lift the rice off the plate, I’m eating it.  Turns out this is just the plate you need for eating rice.  I got every grain off the plate, the rice curved nicely into the fold and laid on the fork.

Then my light bulb went off and I thought to myself: I could probably sell The Multi-Plate, do my own marketing and be in debt to no one but the sand man.  I think I can melt about 1,000 Hefty Foam Plates in about an hour, so for a limited time only you can purchase your Multi-Plate here.  Act Now! While supplies last.

Advertising: Information or Manipulation

What would you say is the goal of commercial advertising? Most people would agree that advertising provides the consumer with information about a product, but is that all advertising accomplishes? No.

Advertising is used to masterfully engage the mind of the consumer to motivate him or her to buy the advertised product. Advertising is about more than just selling products, but about branding.

Branding refers to the process of impressing a company name or a product name onto society’s collective brain. You want to get the product’s name firmly planted in people’s heads. The advertiser does not necessarily expect you to do anything today — the advertiser simply wants to impress itself on your consciousness.¹

Catchy Slogans. Do these slogans call to mind their product: Breakfast of champions, You’re in good hands, When you care enough to send the very best and Just do it! These slogans appeal to our emotions and pride, they can make us feel like we need to use this particular product or drive that particular car when something of lesser value will suffice.

Testimonials. Often times celebrities or sport stars are used to recommend a product advertisers want us to buy, as if some how we will become like that person. The power of persuasion.

Direct Commands or Buzz Words. Buy Now. Limited Quantities. New and Improved. While Supplies Last. Final Sale. A sense of urgency is created like we’re going to miss out on something if we don’t buy now. Try listening to QVC for an hour and then ask yourself why you thought purchasing a ceramic rooster for your kitchen was a good idea when you’re not a collector.

Sense of Smell. It’s not by accident that most everything we buy today from shampoo to dryer sheets have a scent associated with it, even bug spray no longer stinks, but smells of flowers. Advertisers want us to have a psychological experience when we use their product so we’ll keep buying it.

It’s no surprise that millions of dollars are spent on advertising during the super bowl or that the typical American is exposed to over 3,000 commercial messages, online advertisements, magazine and billboard ads a day. Advertising can either be a great slave or a horrible master. How much does advertising influence your purchasing power?

[Money Monday topics will now appear on any given Monday].

1. HowStuffWorks.com [↩]

Paper or Plastic?

When the cashier at your local grocery says to you, paper or plastic they really want to know: how are you going to pay for this crap, with paper or plastic money!

Yesterday, I spent 35 minutes of my lunch hour putting groceries in my shopping cart and drooling on the box of brownies I was going to bake.

Fortunately before I put my stuff on the conveyor belt, I looked in my wallet for my debit card because I hate when people reach the cashier and act like they do not know they have to pay. You know they want your money, give it to them! Have your MOP (method of payment) ready!

Oh and don’t write a check and ask who to make it out to! You’re in Shop-Rite, take a guess. I can’t work with the public, I have a low tolerance for questions and would end up beating somebody with a loaf of bread. Okay pet peeve.

However, after realizing that I had neither paper or plastic MOP, I sheepishly spent the next 5 minutes putting some of the groceries back and left the rest in the proverbial “Isle 5.”

So, while most people were leaving with smiles and a few days worth of groceries, I left with a bottle of Tide and a box of Junior Mints. I am 37 today, what was my excuse yesterday?

High Priced Domain

Yes I changed my blog look. I’ve been casually looking around for something and I stumbled upon this one yesterday and decided to go with it. I don’t like to change themes too often and I hope to stick with this one. How many times have you changed blog themes?

I’m in the process of trying to integrate my personal website or at least give it the same look as my blog: my cut and paste version. My photographs have been moved to Flickr and can be viewed there or through this blog, the link is up top.

Anywho, a few days ago I got an email from Yahoo saying that their domain renewal will increase from $12.95 to $34.95. I have 8 domains registered with Yahoo and four with another registrar. I’m giving up the ones I don’t need.

As for the rest, I’m moving to another company, which registers them privately (something Yahoo charges extra for) for under $10. I don’t know why a domain name would cost $34.95, but if that is the going rate, someone please enlighten me. How much do you pay?

PS - Oh, I forgot to mention, that in the future if my blog is down, it’s because I’m changing registrars. I’ll be back. I’m testing a transfer now on a domain I want to keep to see how things work out.

Brain Damaged

I’m so [fill in the blank] at a loss for words, that I don’t know how to start this blog post. I purposely took a few days off from writing to deal with some other issues, but now when I look at my blog, I feel like a retina, slightly detached. I don’t have writer’s block, I just don’t remember how to blog. I need flash cards for bloggers.

Thinking has become an olympic sport of the mind and I’m standing on copper. I can hear myself telling my brain to move various body parts, I’m no longer two steps ahead of anything. Everything around me seems to be a concerted effort and I’m either moving in real time or slow motion.

I knew something was wrong when I got caught in the office kitchen staring at a stirrer trying to remember why I wanted it and how to use it, which could only mean one thing, I’m brain damaged. I’ve identified the damaged areas below:  

I’m doing some the weirdest stuff ever. The other day I went to get $20.00 worth of gas and the attendant only charged me $10.00. Now, I see and hear everything in slow motion so I’m sitting there watching myself act dumb and I say: You only charged me $10.00 and I got $20.00 worth of gas. I was looking at me asking myself am I really that crazy? I paid the man what he asked. This is gas!!! Step on it! I’m not that honest, I have a carousel full of office supplies at home to prove it. Mostly pens, which I will return after the ink runs out. I probably could have gotten away with it, if I wasn’t brain damaged. Instead I paid full price.

I’m forgetful too. Most days out of the week, I wear my sneakers to work and I carry my shoes in a bag for protection. Well I forgot them and thought I would be sent home to change. Well I didn’t feel like going back home and thought rolling around in the office wheel chair would be a better option. No one would have the audacity to ask why I am wearing sneakers while sitting in a wheel chair. I would be sooo excused. My other option was just to run around the office really fast. Instead, I emailed the director and got clearance to walk around in my sneakers for the day. He even offered to get my coffee and I looked at my sneakers thinking this forgetting stuff might not be so bad after all.

Further proof of brain damage is that my sensory skills were temporarily disconnected. I drunk more than a half bottle of wine because I didn’t feel intoxicated. I just thought it was a cheap bottle, but I realized when I woke up the next morning that I was just brain damaged. I felt something later.

I haven’t quite figured out what’s going on up there yet, maybe my trip to Pittsburgh this weekend will help snap me out of my walking coma. It’s nice to get away, I always feel like I’m leaving all my problems behind. I may even pretend to read a book.

Picture of brain provided by: www.unc.edu